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The Joy of Sex (Positions)

Let's be real - sex can absolutely get better as we age (hello confidence, knowledge, comfort, zero pregnancy risk, more time), but it can also throw some challenges our way... So, how do we deal with our changing bodies to make sure our sex life stays *spicy*?

How Does Our Body Change?

Whilst some changes don't affect how we are physically intimate - such as those lovely smile crinkles - others definitely can have an affect. Issues such as atrophy, that causes pain, or diminished sensitivity, or changing libido, all play a role in the dynamics of our sex lives.

Let's look at these in more detail.

Clitoral atrophy is the shrinkage of the clitoris. It can often result in the clitoris becoming smaller and more hidden behind the clitoral hood. Given that the clitoris has over 10,000 nerve endings, and for many women is a significant source of stimulation, pleasure, and orgasm, clitoral atrophy can often make it much harder for women to feel arousal, pleasure, and achieve orgasm.

Vaginal atrophy often results in itching, tearing, and pain, as well as dryness. This can have numerous issues for our sex lives, including microtearing (ow!), loss of lubrication, and overall discomfort. Some of our ladies have described sex with atrophy as being akin to sandpaper and razorblades. It makes sense then, that women suffering from this might not be enjoying sex too much!

Lowered libido is often due to hormonal changes (as well as things like pain from atrophy), and it occurs due to lowered estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone, or a hormonal imbalance (something is too high/low relative to other hormones). This is both a physical and mental issue, since loss of libido can affect us on a psychological level.

Other health concerns, such as pain (arthritis, etc.), thinning skin, hot flashes, or sleep disruption, can all have an affect on our sex lives as well. This can include psychological affects, as well as logistical issues - some positions are just a no go when you have bad knees!

How Does Our Partner Change?

Women are not the only ones going through changes. Whilst men suffer all the same concerns with regard to sleep, pain, and the general aging body, they also can encounter some issues of their own.

Lowered libido is common in men as well as women, and is distinct from erection loss. Studies found men experience a significant decline in sexual arousal as they aged, regardless of sexual function capabilities. However, erectile dysfunction (ED) and hypogonadism are also common problems that can occur. ED, also known as impotence, is defined by difficulty getting and keeping an erection and can be caused by a myriad of things, many of which relate to age (heart health, blood pressure, weight, testosterone levels). Hypogonadism in a man refers to a decrease in one or both of the two major functions of the testes: sperm production and testosterone production.

What Does This Mean for Sex?

Well, in a nutshell, sex can get harder to coordinate, or finish to a satisfied completion. It can mean that sex has to change; many women at this stage need more foreplay, or need to use toys to get a better level of stimulation if they are experiencing diminished sensitivity.

The first step is getting rid of pain. There are several ways for women to work toward this including Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT) - hello Silky Peach Cream, dilators, and vaginal moisturizers (like vitamin E or hyaluronic acid). Once pain has diminished enough for sex, it may be better to start with small toys/fingers or oral sex until you reach a point where you feel comfortable.

For arousal, lubrication, and libido, there are a LOT of supplements on the market, including Maca, Horny Goat Weed, Ashwaganda, Sea Moss Gummies, Foria Products and much more. These don't work for everyone, but there are studies that suggest some of these folk/herbal remedies do offer mild improvement in this area.

Lastly, adjusting HOW you have sex can have drastic effects...

Best Positions for YOUR pleasure

If we have lost some sensitivity, or need to be mindful of pain, these positions can be the best:

For Clitoral stimulation, you want to choose poses where the mons pubis, clitoris/clitoral hood are either pressed next to the partner (think woman-on-top, or missionary), or where the clitoris is free to be stimulated by toys or hands (think spooning, or reverse cowgirl). These types of poses can ensure that this area has more direct sensation and thus more friction.

For gentle sex positions, think of things that don't require intense movement, awkward positions, or deep penetration. This article covers some easier sex poses - but some commonly known ones are missionary, side lying (woman is lying on her side, partner is kneeling behind her, like a modified spoon) and, what is sometimes called the 'pillow top' - woman lying face down with a pillow underneath her hips.

Top Five Tips for Great Sex

  1. Foreplay, Foreplay, & More Foreplay - oral sex, massages, luxurious baths together, kissing, touching... for more than five minutes! Often if men are suffering ED they want to GO GO GO when they get an erection, which can mean women end up with the briefest of foreplay. This often results in (at least) one party not being satisfied. Check out this blog all about it!
  2. Communicate your needs - we know how hard this can be, so we wrote a blog all about it. If you don't talk to your partner about your needs, changes, and concerns, chances are, things might not go too well. Take a read and learn how to connect with your partner about intimacy.
  3. Embrace lubes & toys -as we talk about in this blog, sex toys aren't just toys, some can improve blood flow, tone, or help with kegels, as well as help you explore the pleasure that works for you!
  4. Work out your vagina - kegels not only help tone the vagina, they also help increase strength and blood flow. On top of that, they also ensure that the muscles are strong, thus less likely to be damaged. On top of that, kegels can help prevent prolapse, which can cause other issues for sex. This blog walks you through an easy kegel workout.
  5. Stop having sex - hear us out... If you are struggling with sex - be it from pain, intimacy issues, stress, or other menopausal issues (or any issues) - trying to force sex can cause increased stress and cortisol, and these psychosomatic issues can trigger physiological issues like vaginismus. To remedy this, go on a no sex sabbatical - BUT, this does not mean no intimacy. Instead, think about ramping up the intimacy (cuddles, kisses, touching, massage), but banning sex. Instead, take the time to gently explore yourself and make sure all pain is resolved before you try penetration. We've spoken in depth about penetration pain here, but removing the problem can often help lower mental blocks, lower cortisol, and increase the intimate connection without the pressure of penetration. You will get there eventually, so enjoying the 'dating' phase with your partner, sans full sex!

If you have vaginal pain and think vaginal estriol would help you, check out our bestselling Silky Peach Cream - Buy Silky Peach Now!