"I'm not counting sheep, I'm fighting sheep."

"Stress and Anxiety are my new roommates."

"Relaxation? What's that?"

"Between brain fog and scatter brain, a lobotomy might be my best option!"

Sound familiar? You don't need to cut out coffee, run 10 miles, or take up 2-hour yoga classes (though, good on you if you do!), you need Chaos Calmer Cream. This lotion is liquid Zen that can calm the mind, calm the body, and clear your head.

Chaos Calmer Cream by Parlor Games is a unique combination of Magnesium, GABA and L-Theanine. With fast absorbency and silky smooth texture, Chaos Calmer Creams' proprietary blend will leave you feeling focused, relaxed, and in control.

GABA, Magnesium, and L-Theanine — three ingredients known for their calming properties — work together to help you dial it down without zoning out.

The cream delivery system allows fast action; there is no wasted junk or hard to swallow pills, just good vibes when you need them (ASAP!).

How to use

Chaos Calmer 50ml bottle has 60-70 pumps. One pump can be used if you are starting to feel overwhelmed and scattered. Apply to the backs of your hands and inner wrists. One pump of Chaos Calmer can be used at bedtime or to wind back down if your brain wakes you up midnight. Do not exceed 4 pumps in 24 hours.

One thing to know: when the mental noise finally settles, some people discover how tired they actually were underneath all of it. If that's you, consider it a sign it's working — and maybe save Chaos Calmer for when you're done for the day.

How do I know it’s working?

As the cream sinks in, many people start to feel a sense of ease: the shoulders drop, the mental chatter quiets, and that everything-is-on-fire feeling starts to loosen its grip. Taking a few slow deep breaths as you apply it helps too — there's a reason yoga people won't shut up about breathwork.

Ingredients:

Deionized Water, Caprylic/Capric Triglyceride, Cetearyl Alcohol, Glycerin, Cetyl Alcohol, Isopropyl Myristate, Stearic Acid, Cyclopentasiloxane, Gamma Aminobutyric Acid (GABA), Magnesium Chloride, L-Theanine, Phenoxyethanol, Caprylyl Glycol, Xanthan Gum, Triethanolamine, Dimethicone/Vinyl Dimethicone Crosspolymer, Lecithin, Ethyl Alcohol, Sorbic Acid. Paraben Free

Key Ingredients: GABA - 20mg, L-Theanine - 15mg, Magnesium - 25mg

Can men use Chaos Calmer?

Yes. No hormones means no restrictions — Chaos Calmer works for anyone dealing with busy brain, stress, or trouble unwinding. We happen to make most of our stuff for women going through menopause, but the GABA, L-theanine, and Magnesium don't discriminate. If a human needs to dial it down, this works.

Can kids use Chaos Calmer?

Children over the age of 1 can use Chaos Calmer. The active ingredients — GABA, l-theanine, and magnesium — are appropriate for children who need help winding down and and getting settled. No hormones, no drama. A little goes a long way with little ones.

Does it contain hormones? Can I use it with Silky Peach?

Chaos Calmer is completely hormone-free. It contains magnesium (a mineral), l-theanine (an amino acid), and GABA (a neurotransmitter) — that's it. This means it's safe for men and women of any age, and children over the age of 1.

It also means you can use it alongside any of our hormone-containing products — Silky Peach, Vibrant Third, ReBounce — without any hormonal interactions. Stack away.

Can Chaos Calmer help me sleep?

Yes — and this is one of the things our customers love it most for. Trouble falling asleep or staying asleep can have all kinds of roots: a busy brain, a stressful day, a body that just won't settle. The GABA, l-theanine, and magnesium in Chaos Calmer work together to help quiet the mental chatter so you can actually drift off — and stay there.

Can Chaos Calmer help with stress?

Stress is stress — whether it's a house fire or just feeling overwhelmed by a Tuesday. When everything starts snowballing, it can feel like you can't catch your breath, let alone catch a break. The GABA, l-theanine, and magnesium in Chaos Calmer help take the edge off when life is running the show.

Chaos Calmer isn't a long-term solution for stress — deep belly breathing and the occasional life adjustment are still part of the picture — but when you need something to help you step back from the ledge and breathe through it? Apply it, give it a few minutes, and let it do its thing.

Can Chaos Calmer help on a really tough day?

Yes. When everything feels like too much — when you can't quiet your brain, you're tightly wound, you're running on fumes — the GABA, l-theanine, and magnesium in Chaos Calmer can help you find your footing.

Think of it as a tool for getting back to steady — for those moments when you need to dial down the volume and breathe through it. Just a few well-studied calming ingredients in a cream, doing their thing.

Does Chaos Calmer help with tight, tense muscles?

Yes — it's one of the reasons Chaos Calmer fans say they wake up feeling less locked up. When your body is calmer and your sleep is better, the general tightness and tension that builds up in your body tends to ease up too.

Worth trying if stiff mornings are part of your routine.